


The Silence is Deafening

by Denstort



Category: Muse (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Possible Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-03-16 00:23:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 19,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3467531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Denstort/pseuds/Denstort
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew has been through one ordeal...now comes another as his past life starts to rear its venomous ugly head.</p><p>Follow on From 'Muted Symphony' (Part 1 of 'Love Heals All Wounds?")</p><p>Part 2 of "Love Heals All Wounds"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Another heart-sickening confession is made...and life just isn't fair..........

 

“Matt, take the chair away from the door,” Chris said, trying the handle again.

His request was once again ignored.

“Come on Matthew, please.”

“No,” came the muffled reply.

“If you don’t stop this I swear I’ll kick this door until it comes off its hinges.”

“Suit yourself.”

Chris let out a growl and turned to Dominic.

“I’ve been trying for an hour. I’m going to strangle that bastard’s QC. Donnie must have told him that Matt does talk. He’s stressed to hell now.”

Dominic put a hand on Chris’s shoulder.

“Why don’t you go and get a screwdriver, and I’ll give it a go.”

Chris nodded, “They know he’ll go to pieces in that box.”

“Chris, just go and get the screwdriver.”

Dominic sighed…things were getting complicated again.

The trial was only two weeks away and Donnie’s’ defence team had thrown a huge grenade and had requested, no demanded that Matthew physically stand in the witness box and give evidence. 

At this very moment, Mister Wolstenholme and the prosecution were meeting with the defence and the presiding judge, in an attempt to stop what would be a very traumatic ordeal for Matthew.

He knocked on the door, not expecting a reply when he said.

“Matthew, you can’t just hide from this.”

He could hear movement and knew exactly what was occurring behind the locked door.

“You know the window is alarmed now. Just take the chair away from the door. You don’t have to unlock it.”

“Yeah, right,” the reply came.

“Well, you have a choice. Either you unlock this door, or Chris will take the door off, and he’s not exactly a happy bunny.”

Seconds later he heard something being dragged; the chair. Would Matthew unlock the door as well?

He heard the door downstairs; Chris was coming back.

“Matthew, please unlock the door. We have to talk about this.”

The sound of the lock turning was a relief. He looked round as Chris appeared and he held up his hand.

He opened the door, “Matthew?”

********************

Matthew was sitting on the floor, leaning against his bed. He had his arms wrapped round drawn up knees; head resting on them.

“I c-can’t….d-don’t let t-them m-make me,” he stammered.

Dominic crossed the floor and sat next to him.

“Your dad is trying to stop that now, but you may have to.”

“I-I w-won’t do it.”

“Matthew, you may have to.”

Matthew shook his head.

“You know Donnie could walk if you don’t.”

“B-but I w-wrote it a-all down.”

“I know, but the prosecution want to hear you say it.”

“I c-can’t face h-him.”

“I understand,” Dominic said.

Matthew looked up and Dominic could see that he had been crying.

“No, y-you d-don’t…I t-thought…”

Matthew broke off then and tears began to fall.

Dominic took a breath before speaking.

“You thought he cared for you, because he brought you clothes and let you stay in his penthouse?”

Matthew nodded.

“H-he s-sold me D-dominic, to Alexi D-dematrov.”

“Another pimp?” Dominic asked.

He looked a Chris, who looked shocked; he hadn’t known that, and Dominic only knew that he’d been sold but not to who and why.

“W-worse, Alexi m-makes porn…”

Matthew stopped again, but it looked like he wanted to say something else.

Dominic was about to say something when Chris finally moved and sat in front of Matthew.

“Go on, you tell us,” he said softly.

Matthew shook his head.

Chris moved closer, until his feet were touching Matthew’s.

“Matt, you can trust us. What you say won’t go any further than this room.”

He looked at Dominic, who nodded.

Matthew still seemed to hesitate.

“Would you have been forced into taking part?”

Matthew nodded, then said.

“S’not new….I-I’ve done i-it before…f-for money.”

To his credit, Chris manage to keep the anger out of his voice; that kind of confession would floor anyone.

“Alexi is a s-sick bastard…h-he makes h-hardcore, f-fetish…b-bad s-stuff.”

Matthew stopped again and Dominic once more had that sinking feeling…something awful was about to be said.

“He m-makes s-snuff movies.”

It took a few seconds for both men to process the words.

Chris paled and Dominic took in a sharp breath.

“Oh Christ…no, no,” Chris said, breathing hard

Then Matthew said something that the made Chris pale even more and Dominic blink.

S’okay…a-at l-least I’d be d-dead, a-and not a p-problem anymore.”

When Chris spoke again, he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice.

“You’d rather die in some sick movie than live.”

Matthew let out a small whimper at the anger radiating from Chris.

“S-see, you’re m-mad at m-me. I-I should h-have shut m-my m-mouth instead of m-making t-that c-call. D-death is b-better than t-this shitty l-life.”

Chris suddenly moved and enveloped Matthew in a hug.

“I’m not mad at you, I’m mad that you even think it’s better than living. Jesus Matt, you’re my kid brother, I’d never want you to die, never.”

Dominic moved away as Matthew broke down in Chris’s arm. His phone rang and he walked out of the bedroom.

“What…that’s not right…oh crap…okay…yeah, I’ll tell them.”

He walked back in, swearing to himself; life couldn’t get any crappier.

Both Matthew and Chris looked at him.

“That was your dad, the judge went with the defence. Matthew has to testify in person.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Bloody hell, that’s not good,” Chris said as the car slowed.

Dominic shook his head, there were way too many cameras and reporters outside the Old Bailey.

He knew there would be some media attention, Donnie James was…no, had been a respected businessman; whose charity work was well documented. 

So, the scandal of him being something very different meant it hit the headlines…and of course the speculation as to the identity of the ‘star witness.’

They had managed to keep Matthew out of the limelight, and had hoped it would stay that way…but no. Now it was about to be revealed in a very public way.

Matthew hadn’t fared well in the days after Dominic had told him that he had to testify in court. Yes, he was still talking, but only when directly spoken to, and Dominic feared that he was slipping back into his own world again.

He glanced over at Matthew, who was sat between himself and Chris. This was going to be difficult.

He could see the anxiety in Matthew’s eyes and his body language was that of someone who wanted to run. He put a hand on Matthew’s arm and said.

“Just look straight ahead….okay?”

Matthew didn’t reply, but Dominic knew he’d heard him.

The car pulled up outside the entrance and they stepped into the pack of press.

**********************

Matthew knew as soon as he made that phone call his life would change. It would never had crossed his mind to do such a thing, not even when Donnie told him he’d sold him; not until he’d learnt it was to Alexi, and then he’d laughed when he’d begged Donnie to call off the deal.

Then any loyalty he may have felt to Donnie dissolved in a sea of hatred and hot temper. He’d waited until Donnie had left the country, just to be on the safe side. He’d gone with the other boys to that party, mainly because he was seen as Donnie’s eyes and ears when he wasn’t there, and to look after some of the new boys that Donnie had pulled from the street.

He hadn’t expected him to be there, and he thought he was going to die. He’d had beatings before, and from this man…but this time, he could have died…not that it mattered; he would die here instead of in Moscow. 

To his surprise he was actually glad to see Dominic in the interview room, and it was his presence that made him take the final step and rat on Donnie.

Now, he was beginning to regret it as he hid behind the reassuring bulk of Chris, who was telling them where they could stick their cameras. 

As they climbed the steps he lost the protection of Chris as he opened the door, and the cameras were on him again.

He could feel the panic rising and his mind was screaming at him to run. Then he felt a hand grab his and pull him through the door. He was pulled away from the door and into a corner.

He could feel his chest tightening, the panic attack starting to take hold.

“Matthew,” a voice said, its tone firm, demanding attention.

“Matthew, look at me.”

He couldn’t resist the voice and his eyes found a pair of grey ones…Dominic.

“Deep breathes, Matthew...that’s it.”

He felt the blinding red of his panic start to fade, as he lost himself in Dominic’s eyes and his voice.

“That’s it…calm now.”

He blinked away the remnants of his panic…eyes still locked with Dominic’s.

“And we’re back, well done. Do you want some water?”

He nodded, still staring into Dominic’s eyes.

“Matthew, they’ll be calling you soon. Just remember, don’t look at him, not unless they ask you to. Look at the QC’s or the judge if she speaks to you. If you feel like you’re going to panic, tell the judge and you can stop. But the defence will push you, just try and remember the breathing exercises we went through, okay?”

Then he heard his name called, and he knew there was no turning back.

*******************

Dominic took his place in the public gallery next to the Wolstenholmes and the girls from the coffee shop.

He watched as Matthew swore the oath and nodded when he looked up at the gallery…keep calm he mouthed.

The prosecution went first and Matthew responded well to him, but Dominic knew that the defence wouldn’t be as considerate.

He held his breath as Donnie’s QC stood…and then everything disintegrated.

******************

Matthew knew straight away that he disliked the man now standing. He was finding it hard not to look at Donnie, especially as Donnie was staring at him.

He knew that stare, he’d seen it directed at people, who could hardly crawl away afterwards. 

That made him nervous and then the defence began questioning him.

“So, Matthew, or do you prefer Matt? Or perhaps James or Jamie, or is it Jimmy?”

He blinked…they were the names he used when he was part of Donnie’s extortion scams.

“M-matthew.”

“Fine. It seems that you are very good a being someone you not. Do you find it easy to fabricate things, Matthew?”

The questions had become harsher; it seemed like he was on trial…why?

“N-no.”

Then the QC asked a question that ripped open some very deep and still raw wounds.

“You were the only survivor of an arson attempt as a child, were you not?”

“Y-yes.”

“And is the case still open?"

“Y-yes, they h-haven’t c-caught anyone y-yet.”

“I find it strange then, that the records containing your statements have been sealed. Why is that?”

What?

“I w-was only t-ten.”

“Yes, you were, yet you were at one time considered a suspect, were you not?”

He frowned, what did this have to do with Donnie?

“I d-don’t know a-about that.”

“Really, you don’t remember that. Yet you seem to have a good memory about other things.”

The prosecution QC stood up.

“Objection, what does this have to do with this trial?”

“Yes, Mister Harlington, how is this line of questioning relevant?” the judge asked.

“Your honour, I’m trying to ascertain if Matthew’s memory is reliable.”

“Objection overruled, but no more question of this nature.”

“Yes, your honour. We won’t talk about that again. Let’s move forward shall we, to the time you were in Manchester. You lived on the streets and received over a dozen cautions for shoplifting and petty theft?”

“Y-yes, I h-had to e-eat.”

“But Mister James here took you into his home and saved you from that life, didn’t he?”

Matthew was already unnerved by the questions about the fire...now he was rattled.

“N-no, I b-became one o-of his r-rent-boys. T-then he c-came t-to the p-place I turned t-tricks at. H-he said m-my looks w-would   
m-make him a l-lot of m-money. H-e u-used me t-to b-blackmail people after t-they had s-sex with m-me...a-and for h-his r-richer c-clients.”

“Really, that’s not how Mister James tells it. He paints a very different picture. In return for his kindness, you stole from him and brought drugs and alcohol. He eventually told you to leave and you said you would ruin him…and here we are.”

“T-that’s n-not t-true.”

“Objection, the witness is not on trial!”

“I think you’re an inveterate liar, and mentally unstable. I say you made up these accusation as an act of spite!”

“Objection!”

“Mister Harlington.”

The QC carried on despite the judges warning.

“You attempted to commit suicide just three months ago, hardly a stable personality.”

“Mister Harlington!”

“N-no…I’m n-not…I-I’m n-not c-crazy!” he yelled back at the QC.

He felt his legs start to go, and the last thing he heard was the gasps of the courtroom before darkness took over.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened...but something ugly is about to rear it's head.

“I’ve never seen dad so angry,” Chris said.

Dominic sighed, “I’d be mad too, that judge will be getting an earful right now.”

“If I had my way, that QC would never work again. Failing that, I’d deck him,” Chris said.

“Then you’d end up in the dock,” Dominic replied.

“Is he likely to come round soon?” Chris said, changing the subject.

Dominic looked at the figure on the bed, “They said it could be any time. There’s no set time limit for being unconscious.”

Chris stood and stretched, “I’m going to the café. You want anything?”

“No thanks, I’m good, go get something and take your time.”

“What if he comes round?”

“Go, I’m here, he won’t be on his own.”

Dominic sighed again and looked at Matthew and said.

“Well, that was dramatic, wasn’t it?”

There had been chaos in the courtroom when Matthew had collapsed, and the court had been cleared. Then it was a whirlwind of paramedics, angry parents and flashes of cameras and the shouts of reporters.

The busy noise of the A&E was almost peaceful in comparison.

****************

Matthew had been out for over an hour, and didn’t show any signs of coming round. Dominic wasn’t sure what was going to happen when Matthew did come round.

What would his state of mind be? How much damage had been done by the OC’s questions?

Those questions had ripped the plaster of an open wound, and Dominic had no idea how much Matthew was bleeding.

Matthew suddenly shifted; it looked like he was finally coming round. A low groan definitely said he was coming round, and the fluttering of   
those dark eyelashes.

Dominic stood and moved next to the bed, and when blue eyes fixed on his, he smiled.

“Hello.”

Matthew frowned, obviously disorientated.

“You’re in A&E,” Dominic offered.

Matthew’s eyes suddenly widened and there was fear in them…of course, the last time he was in A&E.

“It’s alright,” he said quickly. “You passed out in the witness box. They just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Dominic was relieved to see the fear leave Matthew’s eyes.

There was silence for a few minutes, then Matthew spoke.

“Dominic?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t do that again.”

“You won’t if your dad has anything to do with it. That QC was way out of line.”

“He was a bastard,” Matthew spat.

Dominic blinked at the venom in Matthew’s voice.

“I wouldn’t have been that honest, but yeah. You won’t have to do that again, I promise.”

Matthew looked at him, then looked away.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Matthew,” he said, touching his arm to get his attention; but he was ignored.

“Matthew,” he said again, hating the fact that he had to use a harsher tone.

It got Matthew’s attention and he was expecting to be glared at…but what he got was…submission? Jesus….the kid was all over the place emotionally.

“Matthew, there’s no way I’m going to let that happen. I may not be your counsellor, but you are a patient in my practice, and believe me, you are going nowhere near that court again.”

He wasn’t expecting tears in reply to his words.

“Because I’m crazy,” Matthew said in a quiet voice, tears spilling down his cheeks.

Dominic automatically sat on the bed and pulled Matthew into his arms.

"No, you’re not crazy…but you’ve been through hell, more than once. And that shouldn’t happen to anyone.”

Matthew pushed himself away from Dominic’s arms, and his head dropped again, tears still falling.

Dominic’s heart sank, so he lifted Matthew’s chin.

“Matthew, it’s never going to happen again.”

He looked into those sapphire eyes, now misted by tears, and he gave into what he’d forbidden himself to do…and kissed him.  
Matthew’s eyes widened and then darkened, and Dominic felt him respond to his kiss.

A familiar voice suddenly broke the moment, and Matthew pulled away, his head dropping again.

Dominic shot off the bed and sat back on the chair, just as Chris came through the curtain.

“Hey kid, you’re awake. You certainly made an exit.”

Chris didn’t seem to notice the awkward silence.

“Been on the phone to dad, the judge agrees, you don’t have to testify again. The doctor said once the test results are back and you’ve eaten and drank something, you can go home.”

Dominic stood, “I’ll be going then. Make sure Matthew keeps his appointment.”

“Sure, and thanks for sitting with him.”

“No problem.”

He walked out of A&E and stopped. He leant against the wall, forehead on the cold brick.

What had he done…but more than that, Matthew had responded to his kiss.

What the hell did he do now?

******************

The man wasn’t really paying attention to the news, not until he heard a familiar name.

“Now there’s karma.”

Then he did a double take…well, well.

He smiled and it wasn’t a pleasant smile. He picked up the phone.

“It’s me. Guess who I’ve just seen on the news….yes, him, and guess what, he doesn’t have his protector anymore. I agree, I think we should get our little Mattie back.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Song is 'Con-Science' from the 'Muscle Museum' EP (MUSE)

Dominic dreaded picking up the paper ever since the date of the trail had been set. Now it was even worse, as Matthew’s dramatic collapse in the witness box had made all the front pages, and it wasn’t making the decision he’d made any easier.

He’d managed to avoid seeing Matthew since that kiss, and he could have passed it off as a mistake on his part, if Matthew hadn’t responded to it. Now he didn’t know where this was going…could it go anywhere? Should it go anywhere? Would it be right?

He’d wrestled with it for months before the kiss, but he’d decided it was all or nothing.

He stood outside the large door, his nerves stopping him from ringing the bell.

“Come on Howard,” he said.

Chris answered the door.

“Dom, haven’t seen you since the hospital.”

“Sorry about that. Are your parents in?”

Chris frowned, “Yeah, is there a problem?”

“I hope not, I need to talk to all three of you.”

He sat in the living room, the Wolstenholme’s sitting opposite him. He swallowed, then took a breath….

******************

An hour later he stepped out of the living room, shaking with nerves. He thought the family would be angry, forbid him to come anywhere near Matthew or the house, and be thrown out of the house by an angry Chris.

Yes, they were concerned, but Matthew was an adult, so they had no say in his private life. Mrs Wolstenhome said she’d suspected that it was the reason Dominic hadn’t been around, and the reason that Matthew had become more withdrawn.

Mister Wolstenholme gave him the ‘father stare’ which made Dominic squirm; even at his age.

Chris looked annoyed but said nothing until his parents had left.

“I wondered why you’d been avoiding us…but, wow. It feels a bit odd, he’s my kid brother and you’re my friend. Dom, do you know if Matthew feels the same?”

Dominic shook his head.

“It’s just…well, you know how fragile he is,” Chris said.

“Chris, I wouldn’t…do you think I’m try to take advantage of him because he’s vulnerable? I would never…Christ, never!”

Chris shifted in his seat, “I didn’t mean to offend, but after...y’know.”

“I know. I’ve been struggling with this for months, and I thought I was over it. But when Donnie took him away again…it hurt. Thinking that I might never see him again hurt. I haven’t felt like that since Jason. But if you’re unhappy about it, I ‘ll leave and stay away.”

Chris sat back and sighed, “I’m not unhappy. I just don’t want him to get hurt.”

“Chris, I can’t promise that, but whatever happens it will be Matthew’s choice. I won’t push.”

“Yeah, just don’t turn out to be a bastard or you’ll regret it.”

*****************

Now he was approaching the music room; it was where Chris said Matthew spent most of his time now, hiding away. He was about to knock when he heard the strains of the piano…and was that Matthew singing….it sounded incredible and heart-wrenching.

He carefully opened the door and stood watching. Matthew had his eyes closed and seemed lost in the song.

“I can’t pretend,  
Choose how it ends  
You slipped away  
Questions you say,

In fear  
In sorrow  
In fear  
In sorrow,

I can’t pretend  
Consumed by an end  
Try to bend the rules  
Ribs out the cruels,

In fear  
In sorrow  
In fear  
In sorrow,

I can’t pretend  
Choose how it ends  
You slipped away  
Questions you say,

In fear  
In sorrow  
In fear  
In sorrow

He was entranced, Matthew’s voice was haunting and so much more emotional than when he spoke. It seemed like an eternity before   
Matthew stopped. It was then that he seemed to sense that someone was there and turned sharply.

Dominic put up his hands to show that it was okay.

“That was incredible,” he said.

Matthew dropped his head, Dominic knew that gesture.

He moved forward and sat on the stool and lifted Matthew’s chin.

“Don’t be ashamed, it’s a gift. Matthew, I came here to talk to you, to ask you a question.”

He looked in Matthew’s eyes and said.

“At the hospital, that kiss, you didn’t pull away…why?”

Matthew didn’t answer.

“I need to know, know if you were playing me, like you did before. Please, I have to know.”

He searched those azure orbs, looking for an unspoken answer.

“I wasn’t playing you. I wanted to…I liked it.”

Dominic let out a breath and smiled.

“Good, because I can now do this,” he said and pulled Matthew towards him and kissed him again.

Once again Matthew responded and they only parted when breathing became an issue.

Matthew reached for him again, but Dominic caught his hand.

“No, I want to do this right. Let me take you out, anywhere you want to go.”

He could see a question forming in Matthew’s eyes.

“Yes they know, but you don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

Matthew smiled then, and it made Dominic’s stomach flip.

“I want to,” Matthew said.

Dominic smiled again.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Can we go to London Zoo…where’s there’s people?”

Dominic let out a laugh, but when Matthew looked hurt he pressed another kiss against those lips.

“I understand…safety in numbers, right? London Zoo it is, Saturday okay?”

Matthew nodded.

“Good, now, can you play me something? I want to hear you play.”


	5. Chapter 5

Angels with silver wings  
Shouldn't know suffering  
I wish I could take the pain for you

“Precious”- Depeche Mode

 

For Dominic at least, the week had gone really fast. He still couldn’t believe that he was going on a date with Matthew.

He still couldn’t believe the last nine months either; believe that one person could change his life, turn it upside down. But Matthew had done that, from the moment he walked into the coffee shop; even when he’d been missing, he threaded through Dominic’s life.

Matthew was still damaged and he supposed he always would be. But he hoped, if this worked out between them, he could heal some of the damage to Matthew’s soul.

But for now it was Friday night and he’d already tried on and discarded most of his wardrobe.

“Think zoo…..think casual,” he was saying to himself, like some clothing mantra.

Before he knew it he was standing outside the zoo entrance, waiting for Matthew. Then he heard a familiar sound; it was Chris Wolstenholme’s Mustang.

It stopped at the end of the road and Matthew stepped out, and as he walked towards him, he knew why he felt so nervous.

Matthew was wearing an all-black outfit that was modest and yet screamed ‘look at me’….how the hell did he do that?

“Hi,” he said as Matthew stopped in front of him. Was he wearing eyeliner….oh dear lord, was he trying to kill him?

Matthew insisted on paying his own entrance fee, and Dominic let him. He could understand why…this way it didn’t feel like it was the life he’d had in Manchester.  
Dominic brought a guide book and opened it up at the map.

“So, what do you want to see first?”

************

“And try to make conversation,” Chris said as he stopped the Mustang.

Matthew glared at him and stepped out…like he needed Chris’s advice; he’d had enough conversations with men…no, this was a date…not that. Okay, now he was nervous.

He saw Dominic in the distance and hoped he looked okay…was the eyeliner too much? It was a habit he couldn’t break, it was too ingrained in his psyche, dressing to please someone.

He really wanted Dominic to like him.

“So, what do you want to see first?” Dominic had asked.

***************************

A few hours later they were sitting at one of the benches outside one of the kiosks. Dominic placed a hot chocolate in front of Matthew and sat down.

“So, why here…odd place for a first date?”

Matthew looked at him over the rim of his cup.

“It feels safe.”

Dominic wanted to ask why, but now was not the time. So, he changed the subject.

“How long have you being playing the piano?” He hoped it would make Matthew more talkative.

Again Matthew just looked at him from over the cup, then said.

“I want to see the tigers next.”

Right….that door was closed then.

Matthew never started a conversation after that, and only spoke when Dominic spoke first. He made a mental note to talk to his counselor on Monday morning; another thing to add to the list of things that needed bringing into the open.

He watched Matthew as he watched one of the tigers prowl along the glass front. This young man was like a hole in the ground…you didn’t know how deep and how dark it was by just looking at it.

But was he brave enough to see how deep and dark Matthew’s troubles went, as he was certain, now more than ever, that there was some dark and soul-destroying secret locked   
away inside Matthew.

“Matthew, how about we go and get some dinner. There’s a nice restaurant not far from here. We don’t have to, but I’d like to at least treat you with something?”

Matthew turned away from the tiger but wasn’t looking at him, but past him. It looked like he was about to answer when Matthew seemed to freeze, then tense.

“Matthew, are you okay?”

His voice seemed to snap Matthew out of whatever had caused that reaction.

“Dinner…sure, now, yeah?”

Dominic could have imagined it, but Matthew seemed very eager to leave, and he noticed as they walked towards the exit, that he kept looking back.

They stopped at the gift shop, because Dominic wanted to buy one of the toy lions for his niece. He took longer that he thought, as he’d rang Chris to tell him that he was taking 

Matthew to dinner and he would pay for a taxi for Matthew. 

When he came out, he couldn’t see Matthew.

He panicked and looked round…please, not again. Then he spotted him and he seemed to be in conversation with an older man…an animated conversation.

He started to walk over and increased his pace when the man grabbed Matthew’s arm.

“Is there a problem?”

The man let go of Matthew’s arm and Matthew instantly stepped back until he was right next to him.

The man smiled, “No problem, I was just admiring this young man’s coat. It looked like some of the work my tailor does. I was just enquiring as to whether it was.”

Dominic really didn’t believe the man, especially when Matthew suddenly grabbed his hand.

“Well, I suggest you ask your tailor. Come on Matthew,” he said and pulled him away.

“Did you know that man?” he asked, once they were inside a taxi.

Matthew shook his head, but his body language screamed otherwise.

“Matthew, do you know him?”

Again a negative answer…so Dominic left it.

Dinner was pleasant enough, but Dominic couldn’t help notice that Matthew seemed on edge. Something had spooked him and Dominic was pretty certain it was that man. Was he one of Matthew’s ‘clients’ or someone associated with Donnie?

Dominic’s taxi arrived before Matthew’s.

“Will you be okay?”

“Yeah,” Matthew said, but Matthew still looked tense. But he decided not to press the issue…he would regret that decision.

************************

Matthew had been enjoying his date, until Dominic had asked about taking him to dinner. He turned and was about to say no, when he saw him…no, how could he be here?  
He froze as the man stared at him. He knew that stare, and this time he didn’t have Donnie to protect him.

He said yes to Dominic’s question out of sheer panic and willingly walked towards the exit. He kept glancing back; he was following them.

Then Dominic went into the gift shop and the man approached.

“Well, well…still as pretty…still beautiful.”

“You can’t touch me?” he said, trying to sound braver that he felt.

“Really. Now that’s a lie, since you’re protection is currently in the dock…or are you working for someone else now? Unless you’re working for yourself?”

He grabbed one of his arms and said, “Get rid of your friend, you’re coming with me.”

Then Dominic had appeared and the man became all smiles and friendly nature.

He wouldn’t answer Dominic’s question…fear of the man making him mute. He watched as Dominic’s taxi disappeared round the corner, wishing his would hurry up.

He started walking to the end of the small street and as he passed an alleyway he felt someone grab him and another hand cover his mouth.

“Remember what I promised back at that whorehouse,” a voice said.

***********************

Dominic had enjoyed his unusual date with Matthew. Okay, they hadn’t talked much, but he’d expected that. It had been going well, until that man at the gift shop.

That had troubled him; he was certain Matthew knew him, and not in a good way. He was just settling down for the evening when his mobile rang.

He frowned, not many people knew his private number.

“Hello?” he said.

There was silence, apart from what sounded like laboured breathing…then a faint but very familiar voice said.

“D-dominic……help.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter...but.......

Everything after that phone call had been a blur. Dominic was trying to drive whilst keeping Matthew coherent and on the phone.

“Matthew…Matthew?”

“Hmm?”

“You still at the restaurant?”

“Am I…..I t-think…pain.”

Dominic somehow managed to steer the car round a sharp corner, and into the street he’d left only a few hours ago.

He left his car, not caring where or how it was parked.

 

“Matthew…Matt!” he called as he ran towards the restaurant. He nearly went past an alley, and would have if a low groan hadn’t echoed from  
it.

He veered off into it and slowed to a cautious walk.

“Matthew?”

“D-dominic?” a weak sounding voice answered.

He hurried then and he saw what looked like a heap of clothes, until it moved.

Dominic went to his knees.

“Matthew,” he said and carefully turned the heap of clothes over.

“Jesus…oh Christ!”

He dialled 999 in a haze of panic and desperation, then cradled Matthew in his arms.

“It’s okay, the ambulance is coming,” he said, stroking Matthew’s hair. Why are my jeans so wet, he suddenly thought. He looked round; the ground wasn’t wet.

Then he saw something glinting in the half-light…was that? No…no.

He chanced moving Matthew, which elicited a groan from him…no, no…it was blood.

“D-dominic?”

He quickly placed Matthew against himself.

“H-hurts.”

“Ssh, don’t talk,” he said.

“M-make it s-stop…p-please.”

“I said ssh...don’t talk.”

Matthew began to shiver…he must be going into shock.

Somehow he managed to get his coat off and lay it across him.

“N-no…s’okay,” Matthew said.

The sound of sirens were music to Dominic’s ears.

“The ambulance is here…Matthew…Matthew?”

Then Matthew was gone from his arms.

***********************

I am going to die in this alley…ironic that. The last time I was in an alley, someone was dying.

He knew he would die sooner than later, he just wished it wasn’t so painful. But knife wounds were like that; you either bled out quickly or you died slowly, there was no in-between.

If I just close my eyes and sleep, it’ll be over…..is someone calling my name….it’s him…how did…oh right…I called him.

Why did I fight back… why hadn’t I accepted it and let him do what he wanted, and let him drag me back to what had always been my fate? 

Then that voice reminded me why…and there was the irony again…it was only as I was dying that I realise I had found someone to live for.  
I hear his voice…but it cannot soothe me.

I feel his hands…but they cannot heal me.

I feel his kiss…but I cannot respond.

Falling now…falling.

*********************

Dominic sat on the bed…not paying attention to the nurse that was trying to clean the blood off his hands. His whole attention was on the next cubicle.

The clipped tones of the doctor were the loudest words he’d ever heard…words he didn’t understand, and the words he did understand chilled him….blood loss…need to stabilise…how long was the blade...they want to what….tell them to wait…either that or he dies right here….is the theatre ready…dammit kid…stop bleeding.

The voices faded away, to be replaced by another…yes, I know him…we’d been on a date…no, I was at home…this is the number of the taxi firm…yes, he called me…no, there was no-one else there…but there was a man earlier….a description…I hope that helps…yes of course.  
He was left alone then…and he felt his stomach heave and he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the floor. Then there were more voices before blissful darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

Dominic woke with a start…it wasn’t a nightmare, he was in hospital…which meant. His stomach heaved, but his stomach was empty.

A hand appeared, holding a cup of water….Chris.

“Easy there,” he said.

He looked at Chris, “Shouldn’t you be with Matthew?”

“He’s still in surgery and mum and dad are here. I wanted to see you.”

“How bad is it?” Dominic asked, dreading the answer.

“The doctor said the knife just missed a kidney and his liver by centimetres. He’s got a fractured cheekbone, at least four broken ribs and severe bruising to most of his torso. Dom…he...he was raped, but they’ve got…oh lord, they’ve got stuff…DNA….I wanna kill the bastard.”

“Chris, go be with your parents.”

“I will, but I wanted to thank you. The doctor said your being there kept him alive. If he’d slipped into unconsciousness he would have died in that ally. But he has a fighting chance, more than a fighting chance…so, thank you. Are they keeping you in?”

Dominic shook his head, “No, they’re letting me go in an hour or so. Ring me when you get any news.”

Chris put a hand on his shoulder.

“No, when they let you go, come and join us.”

Dominic shook his head, “I’m not…”

“What, family? You may only have just started dating Matthew, but you were like family way before that. We’re in the waiting area on Bartlett Ward.”

Dominic nodded and was left alone again, and now regrets were starting to swim to the fore. He was certain the man at the zoo was Matthew’s attacker, Matthew had radiated fear after his encounter with the man.

He wished he’d pursued his questioning in the taxi. Now Matthew had been hurt…god, he could have died. Well he was going to make sure that never happened again, he was going to help Matthew fight whatever demons he was haunted by…he loved that damaged and delicate soul, and if he had to, he would spend the rest of his life trying to repair that damage.

**********************

He heard a voice, he couldn’t understand what they were saying, but it sounded like a question. 

That was odd, you didn’t normally ask a dead person questions…unless of course it was what level of hell would you like to be tortured on. 

Nor would you feel like you were suffocating.

Darkness took him and he was falling again…..until that voice came again, much more clearly, asking him to open his eyes. He did as he was asked and a face swam into view…right, he wasn’t dead then; he didn’t think the denizens of hell wore scrubs.

He still felt like he was suffocating, and he tried to raise and arm to stop whatever was causing it, but his arm felt like lead.

The voice came again…a woman’s voice.

“No, Matthew, stay still, we’re going to take you to critical care, okay.”

Whatever, he was too tired to care.

When he woke again, he still felt like he was suffocating…something was covering his face, something was inside his throat…and the pain.

Please…somebody help me.

Another face appeared…another voice.

“Relax Matthew, we’ll take that out for you.”

Then there were more faces and more voices, but the suffocating feeling was gone….but not the pain, and it still took all of his strength to breathe.

“Stay awake for me, Matthew,” a voice was saying, but the effort and the pain was too much.

*********************

It had been fifteen days since Dominic had found Matthew in that alley, and for eleven of those Matthew had been in critical care, attached to machines that breathed for him, and every day himself and the Wolstenholme’s had been by his bedside, sometimes talking to him and sometimes just sitting in silent vigil.

Dominic had held his hand and kept telling him that he needed to wake up, and that he missed him and really wanted to take him on a date that he paid for himself and didn’t have to go Dutch.

One the twelfth day Matthew showed signs of waking up…but it also meant he could feel the pain from his injuries and the surgery. For the next two days the doctor’s advised them to stay away, whilst they dealt with Matthew’s pain management.

On the fifteenth day Matthew was well enough to receive visitors.

Dominic waited whilst his family sat with him...then it was his turn. His stomach fluttered with nerves; he had no idea how Matthew was going to react or how Matthew was mentally and emotionally.

He couldn’t help the gasp of air when he saw Matthew without the machinery and the oxygen mask. His face was mostly bruising and he looked like he was very much still in pain.

“Matthew,” he said as he sat down, but Matthew didn’t seem to register his presence. He feared or he hoped his fear was misplaced, that Matthew had regressed. Chris had said that Matthew hadn’t spoken or even acknowledged them.

“Matthew, you can’t shut us out…shut me out, not again. That man at the zoo, he was the one that did this to you, wasn’t he? I know you know him.”

Again there was no reaction, so he took Matthew’s hand, mindful of the bruising and held it as tightly as he could.

“Please, Matthew, before this happened, you were getting better…talking. Please don’t shut yourself off again…let us…let me help you.”

Dominic’s heart sank when Matthew pulled his hand out of his grasp and then turned his head away; he’d lost him.

“I’m not going to give up, you can’t live like this. I’m not going to let you. Oh, if you want to know, Donnie got sent down, he got twenty years.”

He went to stand but Matthew suddenly grabbed his hand.

Dominic smiled, but it soon vanished, when Matthew said in a quiet voice.

“The man that attacked me, his name i-is Martin, M-martin Stevens a-and I’ve known h-him since I w-was n-nine.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything changes....

Matthew shivered as another blast of icy air blew across him, but he didn’t move from his spot against the railings. 

He heard someone behind him, but he didn’t turn; nor did he flinch when arms circled his waist.

“Matthew, come on, it’s too cold and you’re still not well.”

He sighed and leant against the chest of the speaker. He shivered again when lips ghosted across the nape of his neck.

“Let’s go back, I’ll make you a hot chocolate. After all, tonight is a special night. Can’t have you too ill to enjoy it.”

He supposed today was special, or at least Dominic kept telling him. But he couldn’t see anything special about being twenty-one or it being a special birthday.

The last few months had been one of upheaval and pain. Upheaval because of what he had told the police; things that meant he had gone into the ‘protected witness’ programme…pain because being stabbed was painful.

He watched the news and understood why he had to leave London. He knew he wouldn’t be safe until all of those names he’s spoken were behind bars. But he wasn’t naïve…he knew he could never live in London again.

He hated this place….no, he didn’t, but he hated being in this programme; it was like a prison, even if there were no bars.

The only thing that made it bearable was Dominic.

He let out a sigh and shivered again.

“See, you’re getting cold...come on,” Dominic said.

As they walked along the front, he tried to ignore the two plain clothes police officer that were trying their best to discreetly follow them.

He really hated this.

********************

Dominic had kept his distance and let Matthew stand at the railings alone. He’d almost been sick again as Matthew had spoken to the Child Abuse Unit. All those names and places, details of things done to Matthew and to other innocent children.

He had no idea how long Matthew had been carrying this toxic baggage, but it had opened a very nasty can of worms.

Arrests were made and victims started to come forward, and the decision had been made to put Matthew in the witness protection programme. It had meant that Matthew would have to leave London, leave everything behind, and he’d made the decision to go with him.

Yes, the police and the CPS weren’t happy, but they could deal with it, as Matthew refused to to co-operate any further if he didn’t.

Now they had been in this seaside town for three weeks and Matthew hadn’t spoken a single word, and that worried him.

He hoped tonight would change that.

He was taking Mathew out to celebrate his twenty-first birthday, only after he’d argued with the police over it. 

They didn’t want it and he’d said they were going to a bloody festival where there would be more police that you could shake a stick at.

So, he was taking Matthew to the Festival of Lights…but before then he had a special gift for him.

He took the gift from its hiding place and placed it in his pocket and went downstairs to wait for Matthew.

Ten minutes later he heard a door closing, and he looked up at the stairs…dear lord, he was stunning, even dressed up for the cold. He waited until Matthew was standing in front of him before speaking.

“You are so beautiful…and happy birthday.”

Matthew smiled but remained silent.

“I have a present for you,” he said and produced the box.

Matthew took the box and opened it, looked at Dominic and smiled that smile.

“Here, let me put it on for you,” Dominic said.

He stood back afterwards, admiring the way the obsidian and opal keys of the silver piano glinted in the light. He was about to say something when Matthew suddenly reached out and pulled him forward and kissed him.

When they finally broke the kiss, Matthew placed a hand on Dominic’s cheek and said softly.

“Thank you.”

Dominic smiled and held out his hand.

“Shall we go?”

***********************

The festival was in full swing and despite the fact that they were here because of very dark things, the spirit of it made them forget.

Dominic had never seen Mathew look so alive, as he watched the display. The flames from the torches highlighted the sharpness of Matthew’s features, but it gave him an ethereal look...and Dominic became even more enchanted by this young man.

They eventually returned to the house that was their refuge, but that was the last thing on their mind.

Dominic had barely got in the door before Matthew pushed him against it and began kissing him.

But he had to stop it…he had to be sure.

Since the attack, the most they had shared were kisses, and even then it was himself that had instigated them. He understood why and he had been patient, letting Matthew set the pace.

So, he reluctantly pushed Matthew away and trying to ignore the pout he got in return, he looked at Matthew.

“Matthew, I need to know, before this goes any further. Is this what you want?”

He held Matthew’s gaze, watching for the slightest sign of doubt. What he saw were pools of black, rimmed with the brightest blue...then Matthew’s voice.

“Want this….want you.”

*****************

Dominic was held in the gaze of those lust blown eyes, and he never took his eyes of them as he kissed his way up the alabaster expanse of Matthew’s torso.

“You taste so damn good,” he said, punctuating every word with a kiss. He stopped when he came to those dark tempting circles that called themselves nipples. He didn’t resist the temptation and ran the tip of his tongue over one.

The moan it elicited from Matthew went straight to his groin and he mouthed the dark bud and revelled in the way Matthew arched under him.

“More…” Matthew hissed.

Dominic took the now peaked flesh between his teeth, grazing it gently. The whimper-moan that Matthew gave and the shiver that rippled through that delicate body nearly caused Dominic to come undone.

“Want to be inside you,” he growled. “Want to feel you.”

Matthew gave an answering growl and legs were wrapped round him, and Dominic let out moan of pleasure when he felt the tight heat that was this ethereal being beneath him.

The whimpers and gasped versions of his name meant that Dominic didn’t last very long, and the way Matthew cried out his name on his own release spurred on his own.

He lay exhausted, arms wrapped around Matthew, who had already succumbed to the pull of sleep. He pulled him closer and kissed the mop of sweaty black hair; everything had changed…the trust Matthew must have had in him to allow this filled his heart with joy, but also with fear.

Fear that something would tear this all apart. He closed his eyes and prayed to every deity that it would never happen.


	9. Chapter 9

Matthew woke before Dominic and lay for a few minutes, then he carefully extricated himself from Dominic’s arms and padded into the bathroom.

He stared at his reflection in the full-length mirror and touched his left cheek. The bruising may have gone, but he still felt the blow that fractured it. He turned and twisted, he could just about see the scar from the blade….another reminder.

He turned back and looked at the various scars that mapped his life; every cut and mark a reminder of what he was. He placed a finger on the scar left by the bite from the man at the party; it never did heal right.

All of those marks reminding him of what had had been, and perhaps still was…no, those bridges had well and truly been burnt. This was a new life, or it would be, a new life with Dominic.

He sighed and turned the shower on and rummaged through what he called Dominic’s ‘faff bag’ until he found the vanilla shower gel. He wanted the warmth of the water to wash away the negative thoughts, but they refused to go away.

So many secrets had been dragged into the light that he’d been overwhelmed, and yet there was one more secret, but this one he didn’t know if he could ever share; not even with Dominic.

He was afraid of how Dominic would react. Would he call him a murderer, a monster, and have him locked away?

There you have it...he would never be free of it. Another dark thought welled up, had Dominic slept with him because of what he was…god, he needed to think, but not here.

He left the shower, got dressed quickly, not looking at the still sleeping Dominic. He looked carefully out of the bedroom window and smiled…not a problem.

************************

Dominic blinked awake and instantly registered the absence of Matthew...he must be up already. He looked at the clock; it was only five-thirty.

A niggle of worry started at the back of his mind…no, there were police watching the house, and after last time they were much more vigilant. Matthew was probably somewhere in the house.

He went into the bathroom and smiled when the faint smell of vanilla hit him; the cheeky sod had ‘borrowed’ his shower gel again. He took his time in the shower, letting the heat sooth the kink in his spine.

Matthew had been a handful and for want of a better word, he was very flexible.

It was only as he was picking clothes out of the wardrobe that he noticed Matthews coat was missing. Odd, he could have sworn he hung that up last night.

That niggling worry returned and he dressed quickly and stepped out onto the landing.

“Matt?” he called, hoping he was in his own bedroom.

There was no answer, no sound of movement. He jogged down the stairs.

“Matt?” he called again…nothing…please, not again.

He opened the front door and strode out to the police car sitting just past the house and banged on the window and said when the window was rolled down.

“Some protection you are…he’s gone again.”

********************

Matthew hadn’t gone far…there was one place he knew he could go and speak his thoughts out loud. But first he stopped and gave what spare money he had to the young kids that he knew where ‘street boys’.

Even here there was a little piece of hell.

“Where’s Danny?” he asked one of the boys, knowing that probably wasn’t his real name.

“Ain’t seen him since Friday. Reckon he’s got some sweet deal going.”

“Nah,” another boy said. “I heard he got picked up by Ritchie. He won’t be coming back here.”

Matthew scowled. Ritchie, another Donnie.

“Well, you stay clear of him, yeah?”

The two boys nodded.

“No buying any smack with that money…I’ll know. Take care…safe sex alright.”

He walked away then, memories of his time on the street making him shiver. He brought some breakfast with the rest of his money and walked to his thinking place, knowing it was always open.

He sat in his normal place and let the steam from his coffee heat his face; this was a good place to think. Then the quiet was broken by a door opening and footsteps.

“Hello Matthew. I see you’ve slipped away from your minders again?”

Matthew let out a laugh.

“Keeps em’ on their toes, Father.”

“And Dominic?”

Matthew sighed, “Yeah, he’ll be mad.”

“You must have something on your mind to come here…so?”

Matthew looked down at his cup.

“Things between me and Dominic, they’ve…” he trailed off.

“Developed, you slept with him.”

Matthew nodded.

"It’s only natural, you do have feelings for him…or do you?”

“Yes…but.”

“You’re not sure if Dominic does. Matthew that man left everything behind to go into hiding with you. I think that you think you don’t deserve him.”

“I…how can I deserve someone like him?”

“Because you’re thinking of the past. Matthew, the past is the past, and it should stay there.”

“But what if?”

“Life is full of what ifs. You have a chance, a chance to heal. Let Dominic help you heal.”

“Yeah, I should get back now.”

“You’re a good soul Matthew, but you need to see that. I’m always here or at the centre if you want to talk.”

*****************

Dominic was a nausea making mix of anger and worry. He was angry at the police for not having learnt their lesson with Mathew. He was angry that Matthew had done it again, in the month they had been here, he’d disappeared as many times.

Neither the police nor he knew where he went, and Matthew never said. But he would turn up a few hours later, never contrite, just a small smile in reply to any questions.

He was also worried, worried that he’d taken off after they had slept together. Was Matthew having second thoughts? Had he pushed too far? His heart quickened at the thought that Matthew might not come back this time.

Dark thoughts came rushing back. What if Matthew ended up in another city or god forbid another country, slipping back into his past life.

No, that wasn’t going to happen; the way Matthew was last night, the way he’d clung to him…surely he would come back?

He’d been told by the police to stay in the house, just in case Matthew returned before they could search the town. 

He should be angry at Matthew and he probably would be, if…no, when he came back.

It had been a least two hours since he’d discovered he was missing, but god knows how long he’d been gone before then.

He was about to go out the front to look up and down the road, when he heard a sound at the back of the house…Matthew.

He didn’t move from his spot but stood, arms crossed, trying to rein in his temper. He succeeded until Matthew wandered into the living area.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

He was expecting silence but Mathew snapped back.

“None of your business.”

“Of course it’s my business…Jesus Matthew, do you think this is some kind of game!?”

“What, I’m not allowed to go out on my own. Why don’t you call the coppers in and stick a tag on me…even better, just lock me up in bloody prison. Oh and its what the hell are you doing and not are you okay….figures.”

Dominic knew he shouldn’t react…but Matthew knew how to get under his skin.

“You know what, do what the hell you want. You obviously don’t care that I was worried that…”

Matthew spoke over him.

“What, worried that you wouldn’t have someone to screw. Well don’t worry, I won’t leave you unsatisfied. That’s all you want isn’t it!?”

That did pull Dominic back from his anger.

“Is that what you think, that last night was just about sex?”

“Wasn’t it?” came the sharp retort.

Dominic moved then and despite Matthew’s protest, he pulled him into an embrace.

“Matthew, it was never just about sex. If I never had sex with you, I would still want to be with you. You’re an infuriating, frustrating, complex but wonderful person. I could happily spend my entire life discovering who you are. Sex would be a bonus, and you are particularly good at that.”

Dominic smiled when that elicited a snort from Matthew, and he felt the tension leave him.

“I’m sorry, I just needed some time to think,” he said. “Am I in trouble?”

“Yeah, but I’m sure the police can be persuaded not to lock you up and throw away the key. But this has to stop, or you tell me where you’ve been going.”

He felt Matthew’s chest rise and fall as he let out a long sigh.

“How about I show you.”


	10. Chapter 10

Dominic had been right and Matthew tried his best to look contrite; even though it was fun leading the police a merry dance. He mumbled and apology and hung his head as the inspector reminded of the cost of his little ‘jaunt’. He promised he wouldn’t do it again, but they both knew that he probably would.

He wasn’t allowed out for the rest of the day, and Dominic said he would cook something special for lunch to compensate.

He sat on the overly large sofa, watching the TV…well not really watching, not until the news came on.

Of course the headlines were about London…more arrests…more victims coming forward. He’d opened Pandora’s Box and all the woes were pouring out. He half watched it until the local news came on and….no...oh no….Danny.

He couldn’t stop the loud sob, nor the tears.

“Matthew?” Dominic’s voice came from the kitchen.

He heard the door go and he swiped at the tears, not wanting Dominic to see.

“Matthew, what’s wrong?”

He felt another sob welling and he let it escape.

“Matthew?” Dominic said and sat next to him, and pulled him into his arms.

***************

Dominic was in the kitchen and was in the process of making fresh pasta. He could hear the TV, which meant that Matthew must have finally settled.

He looked out of the window and could just see the patrol car sitting at the end of the small path that ran behind the house. This time they were making sure that Matthew couldn’t slip past them…good luck with that; they had no idea how good an escape artist Matthew was.

He was thinking, and they were not good thoughts. Get a grip Howard. That age old thought that every person that was with a younger lover had raised its ugly head...what if he found someone his own age?

He heard the music that told him the news was on. He’d tired not to watch it and had tried to keep Matthew away from it as well. He knew it was only going to get worse, as there hadn’t been any trials yet. Yet again there were rumours of a single victim being the catalyst for the investigation, and he hoped to god that no-one found out that it was Matthew.

It was then that he heard the sob.

“Matthew?” he called.

He heard another sob and dropped the pasta dough, and walked into the living room.

“Are you okay?” he said.

Then his attention was caught by the news. There was a picture of a young man…well a kid, as the news said he was only seventeen. He’d been found under the pier and the police were treating his death as murder…so why was Matthew upset?

“Matthew?” he said and sat next to him and pulled him into his arms.

It was a good ten minutes before Matthew stopped crying. Whoever that poor boy was, he must have meant something to Matthew.

“Matthew,” he said softly. “You knew him, didn’t you?”

He felt Matthew nod, and all of a sudden his fear that Matthew would find someone his own age reared its head again…and dear lord, he found himself asking.

“Matthew, how did you know him?”

He felt Matthew tense….please, don’t let it be true.

Matthew pushed against him and out of his arms. His eyes were wide with…was that hurt?

“What…you t-think I was? D-dominic, I would never.”

Tears began to fall again and Dominic cursed his insecurity. He reached out and wiped a tear from Matthew’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean.”

He went to wipe away another tear, but Matthew stopped his hand; he’d made a huge mistake.

“Danny is…w-was a runaway, a-and a r-rent-boy.”

“What here?”

“Doesn’t m-matter, he’s dead.”

Matthew stopped then and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.

Dominic knew there was more, but he knew better than to press Matthew. He was slightly wrong-footed when Matthew changed the subject.

“Are the police okay with me going out tomorrow?”

He blinked to allow his brain to catch up.

“Not really, but I said you would only do your disappearing act again. Where are we going?”

“To meet people.”

And that seemed to be the end of the conversation as Matthew silently helped him with the rest of lunch.

******************

Matthew pulled the collar of his coat closer against the cold wind. He was leading Dominic across a rubble-strewn wasteland. His target was an abandoned industrial park, one unit in particular, where he knew the street boys and the runaways sheltered.

“Matthew, slow down!” Dominic called.

He stopped and waited for Dominic to catch up, shifting the back-pack he was carrying to his other shoulder.

“Are you sure we should here, isn’t this trespassing?”

“Does it look like anyone would care?” he replied.

As soon as Dominic had caught up he was on the move again, and this time he didn’t stop until he reached his goal.

“Wait here,” he said and before Dominic could say anything, he squeezed through a gap in the sheet of metal that was across the door.

He couldn’t see anyone, but he knew they were there.

“It’s Matty!” he called.

“Who’s the john outside?” a voice said.

“He’s not a john or a copper or the social. His name is Dominic, he’s good people...and we’ve brought stuff.”

“Matthew!?” Dominic’s voice floated across the empty space.

“Can I let him in before he freezes his arse off?”

There was a giggle and then a voice said.

“Yeah.”

*************************

Dominic sat and watched in stunned silence as the food disappeared into hungry mouths. When Matthew had said he was going to show him where he disappeared to, he was sure what to expect. What he hadn’t expected was to be stared at by a least a dozen teenagers; if some them were old enough to be called teenagers.

“Matthew, are they all…you know?”

Matthew shook his head, “The younger ones are runaways.”

Dominic looked at him.

“What?”

“They should be…”

“What, at home? David there, his dad beat the shit out of him every time he got drunk. Kenny’s mum only fed him when she remembered he existed. Shall I go on?”

Dominic shook his head.

“They’re better off here,” Matthew said.

“Matty?” one of the older boys said. “Danny’s dead, ain’t he?”

“Yeah, sorry. We gotta go now...be careful out there, okay.”

Dominic noticed how Matthew sounded so different when he was talking to the boys. He sounded, well he supposed he sounded more like the street-boy he used to be than whatever he was now… and perhaps that was a good thing; he could relate to these kids more the he ever could.

“Thanks for the food,” the same boy said.

Matthew nodded and stood and Dominic followed him out of the unit. He waited until they were a safe distance from the building before stopping Matthew.

“You could have told me.”

“No, I couldn’t have…they trust me.”

Matthew stared at him, his eyes suddenly very intense.

“You can’t tell anyone they’re here…it’s safe for them here, you understand?”

“Matthew, I don’t even know where here is, and I would never. But it’s not right that they have to live like that.”

“That’s how it is,” Matthew replied and started walking again.

“Is that how you lived, before Donnie?”

Matthew didn’t say anything, just kept on walking, and all Dominic could do was follow him.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when it seemed things were going well...........

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry....the torment hasn't finished yet, Matthew is still very unstable.

“Right, I think the Donnie James’ story has run its course. Any ideas on what to run with next?”

“Shame we can’t touch the London abuse ring.”

“Don’t really want the CPS and Scotland Yard on our case.”

“We could run a story about the main witness in the James’s case…Matthew Bellamy. He’s suddenly dropped out of sight…gone from London, and his family aren’t saying where he’s gone to.”

“Hmm, okay, run with it. He can’t have just vanished…perhaps he’s done a runner again. Put the feelers out to your contacts…someone must know where he’s gone.”

*******************************

Dominic was starting to worry, Matthew had been silent for the rest of the day. He’d tried several times to engage him in conversation, but with no success. The silence dragged on into the evening and the next day as well.

He felt a little hurt when for a second night Matthew went to his own bedroom; what had made Matthew suddenly become so aloof, surely it wasn’t the question he’d asked?

This didn’t bode well.

He sighed, turned off the light and was just about to drift into sleep when he heard the door and felt the bed dip…then Matthew’s voice.

“I spent the first month in Manchester begging.”

Dominic held his breath…would there be more?

“Then I met Stevie.”

Dominic let out that breath; that was the name Matthew had said when they were on the roof of Morgan’s clinic.

“We hit it off straight away. We shared a bed-sit, I s-stole so he could have good stuff instead of the shit he’d been using.”

Dominic could hear the upset in Matthew’s voice. He reached out in the dark and found Matthew’s arm, and pulled him into his arms.

“H-he started using c-crack, and I h-had to…y’know.”

“I know,” Dominic said.

“B-but he d-died….i-in my arms.”

Dominic tightened his hold, Matthew was shaking.

“You loved him.”

Dominic felt wet against his chest.

“It’s okay,” he said softly.

“He s-shouldn’t have d-died that way….after t-that, I didn’t c-care bout’ anything. That’s when D-donnie found me.”

Matthew broke off then and the tears flowed, and Dominic just held him, until his tears turned into sleep. He lay awake, still holding Matthew close to himself. How much of Matthew’s past was still an unknown?.

His heart ached with the knowledge that Matthew had lost yet another person he cared about…life really had it in for him.

How much more could his fragile psyche take before it cracked again?

When Matthew let out a sigh and murmured something unintelligible, he pulled him closer.

“Never again, Matthew…never again,” he said.

*********************

Matthew woke with a start and for a moment wasn’t sure where he was. Then he felt the reassuring presence of Dominic; his comforting body heat.

It had taken him many hours of soul-searching to get the courage to tell Dominic about Stevie. 

His whole being was wracked with fear.

Fear that his past life would reach out from the shadows and snatch Dominic away. Fear that if he found out what he’d done that night, it would ruin everything.

The thing that he had done, not in blind panic, or hot anger…but in cold logic, even as his world was burning.

Some people might say that he killed a monster if the truth came to the light, but he also knew that some would call him a murderer, insane…or both, and they would take him away from the world…away from Dominic.

That fear drove a whimper from deep inside, and he felt Dominic stir and tighten his hold on him….no, he couldn’t let that secret…………

He started to wriggle, to get free of Dominic’s hold.

“Matthew?” Dominic said in a sleepy voice.

He tried again but this time Dominic woke fully and his hold tightened on him.

“Matthew, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he replied, but couldn’t stop the shiver that ran through him.

“Sorry, I don’t believe that…what’s wrong?”

He tried to get free again, desperate to get away …the fear quickly becoming panic.

“Matthew…stop!”

Dominic’s voice was sharp and it did nothing to abate the panic that was now becoming a flood of adrenaline; his ‘flight’ response starting to kick into over-drive.

Somehow he managed to slip out of Dominic’s hold and ran out of the bedroom and into the nearest place he thought was safe….the bathroom. He vaguely heard Dominic call his name and then footsteps, and he hurriedly threw the lock, then curled up on the floor.

He could hear Dominic outside, then Dominic saying.

“Matthew, unlock the door…dammit, unlock the door!”

He let out another whimper…again he’d made someone angry; he really was worthless…..this had to end. He looked round with tear blurred eyes and his gaze alighted on something…yes, that would end it.

He stood and took out the thing that he knew would end it, but Dominic suddenly pounding on the door made him jump, and his means of escape scattered across the floor.

“Matthew…unlock the door!”

He let out another whimper.

“Go away,” he said but his voice sounded faint, even to him.

“Matthew, please, just unlock the door. I didn’t mean to shout, please, just unlock the door.”

He somehow found his voice and he screamed.

“Go away!”

His gaze went to the door as the handle moved; it wouldn’t take much effort to break the lock. 

He flicked his eyes around the bathroom again…yes. He let out a sob that was part relief and part sorrow.

The pain was nothing…now Dominic wouldn’t have to know that he was a monster…and the sound of the door crashing open was a distant echo, as was his name being screamed.

*******************

Dominic cursed himself for not being quick enough…how the hell had this gone from Matthew opening up to him, to Matthew running from his room, a look of panic on his face.

He stood outside the bathroom door that had just been slammed and locked seconds before he reached it.

“Matthew, unlock the door…dammit, unlock the door!”

He heard a whimper, then the sound of movement and the bathroom cabinet opening…no. He thumped the door with his palm and shouted.

“Matthew…unlock the door!”

He heard what sounded like pills scattering...thank the lord, Matthew must had dropped them when he pounded on the door.

There was another whimper, so he said in a softer tone, sounding angry would only make Matthew kick-off again.

“Matthew, please. I didn’t mean to shout, please, just unlock the door.”

“Go away!” Matthew yelled at him through the door.

He tried the door handle; the lock wasn’t the strongest; he was sure he could break it if he twisted enough. He stopped when he heard what sounded like a sob…..it didn’t sound like the kind of sob that came from crying.

“No…no...” he said and forgetting about breaking the lock, he moved back and put his shoulder to the door.

It gave way easily, but the scene in front of him became frozen in time.

“Matthew!”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are about to come to a very distressing head......

Dominic froze, but it was only for a few seconds as he his mind took in the scene…then he reacted.

He grabbed Matthew’s arm, the one holding the scissors. He wrenched them from his hand and threw them. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it round the injured arm.

“Keep pressure on it,” he snapped, too angry for sympathy. He looked round the bathroom seeing the scattered contents of the first-aid kit.   
He found the bandages and tape, fished some antiseptic wipes from under the bath, and took the Matthew’s arm again and ignored the hiss of pain…or was it annoyance. He removed the towel and let out a relieved breath. The cut was bloody but shallow, and he worked in silence, cleaning the wound and tightening his grip when Matthew flinched.

It was only once he’d finished that he looked Matthew in the eyes.

“Why?” he asked.

Matthew just looked at him, then stood and went to move.

“No, you are not running,” he said, grabbing the uninjured arm. “This……this is a cry for help. Let me help you.”

He kept his eyes locked onto Matthew’s…but there was only silence.

“Matthew, please, this isn’t going forward, this is going backwards.”

Matthew pulled his arm free and pushed his way past…but Dominic had seen something in his eyes; it was like he wanted to speak, but something was keeping him mute. He had the feeling that there something else from Matthew’s past, festering in some dark corner. Did he want to know? What could be worse than what had already been revealed?

He heard a door slam; at least he hadn’t run, but the door might as well be a brick wall. He sighed and turned his attention to cleaning the bathroom.

***********************

When Matthew was twelve, he fell in with the wrong group of boys. They were older than him, except for one...someone’s kid brother, and that had been Danny.

“Go on,” one of the boys said and Matthew struck the match and let it drop.

The other boys ran, except for himself and Danny; they were caught. When asked by yet another psychiatrist why he’d set fire to the car, he said nothing…keeping his silence. If he’d decided to speak and tell them that as he watched the flames, he could hear the sound of him as the flames took him, they would have locked him away.

He never told anyone that for many nights those sounds had haunted his dreams....searing into his soul, condemning him.

Matthew sat on the bed, eyes tightly shut, hands over his ears, as if that would block out those sounds in his head. The death of Danny had brought that unwanted torment screaming back from the dark corner he had managed to trap them in.

A knock at the door made him jump.

“Matthew, I’ve brought you some lunch, if you want it?” Dom’s voice said.

He moved to the door and opened it, then sat back on the bed. Dominic placed the tray on the floor and sat next to him. He knew a question would be coming.

“Matthew, did you do that because of Danny?”

He didn’t want to answer, then Dominic said.

“Matthew, and please be honest with me. I won’t be upset, it would only be natural if you did. Was there something between you and Danny?”

Again…why was he asking that? Fine, if he wanted to know.

“When I was a kid, I ran with the wrong crowd. We did…stuff. Danny was the kid brother of one of them. We sort of looked out for each other.   
Then we got caught and Danny went into the system. He ended up like me, on the streets, I didn’t know he was here until a week before he died.”

Dominic put a hand on his.

“He was special to you…like a brother?”

He nodded and he couldn’t stop the tears...nor could he shut out those sounds. They were tormenting him…driving him…..he couldn’t stand it anymore.

*******************  
Dominic put his hand over one of Matthew’s and said, “He was special to you…like a brother?”

Matthew nodded and he could see the tears…oh lord, how many more tears did Matthew have to shed? So he put his arm around him, in a sign of silent support. He didn’t expect Matthew to jump and move off the bed.

“No, I don’t deserve sympathy.”

“Matthew, don’t say that.”

“You wouldn’t be so kind if you knew what I did.”

Tears were streaming down Matthew’s face…this felt like something other than the death of a friend; this didn’t feel very good at all.

“It doesn’t matter what you……”

He didn’t get to finish the sentence because Matthew spoke over him.

“I …”

Whatever Matthew was going to say was choked off by a heart-wrenching sob and before Dominic could react Matthew was out of the room and down the stairs…and, no!

His delayed reaction cost him vital seconds; he heard the front door open and he flew down the stairs and out of the open door. He looked up and down the street, saw there was no police car…of all days. He was running down the street and eventually he saw the car that should have been outside.

He skidded to a halt and said breathlessly, “He’s running…..I think…I think he’s going to do something stupid.”

********************

The priest had finished what he hoped was the last confessional for the moment, when he heard the door open and close. At first he thought the person wasn’t going to speak, then there was a young man’s voice.

“Killing someone is a sin, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.”

“Even if that someone is an evil person?” 

“It’s not our place to judge.”

“So, only God can judge?”

“Sometimes he uses us as his instrument. The law provides justice. Son, have you killed someone?”

“Will that person who killed someone go to hell?”

“That is a question only for God. Son, you should go to the authorities and turn yourself in.”

“Suicide is a sin as well, isn’t it?”

“Son…that is not the answer.”

“Then I’ll be double dammed.”

The door opened again and was slammed shut and by the time he’d gotten out of the confessional box, the young man was gone; he could only hope that whoever the troubled young man was, he wouldn’t resort to such a terrible thing as suicide.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A secret is about to be told as a confession is made...........

When Matthew was nine, his family had gone on holiday to the seaside, and he became fascinated with the pier and the dark water that sat underneath it. He’d thought, what if he jumped? Would the dark water hide him and carry him away, never to be found?

He’d climbed over the railings but had been pulled back over by a concerned member of the public, and then had been told off by his parents.

Now he stood at another set of railings; not a pier, but the water was just as dark, and the question was still the same. Now it was about to get an answer.

The water would be cold, so it wouldn’t take long to succumb to the sea, and the strong undercurrent would almost certainly drag him under. Then all of it, the secrets that had been dragged into the light, and the one that stained his soul would be hidden forever.

He looked round, there were only a few people about; it was too cold to walk the seafront. He climbed the railings and stood…well balanced on the ledge. He held onto the railings and looked down at the dark water.

Did he have any regrets? Sure, he had plenty, but only one that actually made his heart ache...Dominic.

“I love you, Dominic, and I’m sorry for this.”

He wasn’t expecting Dominic’s voice to say.

“You love me?”

*****************

Dominic wished there were two of him, as he scanned the seafront. He was starting to think that this time he could lose Matthew forever.

He’d thought that Matthew had just run again and he would be back within a few hours. But then there had been a call from a concerned member of the public; actually a priest. He was concerned about a young man that might be contemplating suicide.

But what made Dominic’s heart lurch, was the fact that the police said there was a place where a lot of suicides were committed. He’d given up sitting in the police car and had begun jogging along the seafront.

He was hoping to see Matthew walking along it, but he wasn’t. His stomach lurched when he saw him in the distance, leaning against the railings.

His heart almost stopped when Matthew climbed over the railings and balance precariously on the small ledge. He broke into a run, as flashes of the scene on the rooftop ran through his head.

He slowed to a walk as he approached, never taking his eyes of Matthew. He could see his lips were moving…was he trying to talk himself into or out of jumping?

He wanted to run forward and grab Matthew, but he knew that could end up in disaster. He was almost within touching distance when he heard Matthew say.

“I love you, Dominic, and I’m sorry for this.”

He blinked at that…Matthew loved him.

“You love me?”

His heart missed a beat when Matthew started and nearly let go of the railings.

Matthew turned his head and looked at him. He went to move but Matthew said.

“Don’t.”

“Matthew, why. If you love me, why?”

“Y-you wouldn’t understand.”

Matthew looked away then and back down at the water.

“Please, whatever it is, we can talk about it.”

“N-no, we c-can’t. Go away, don’t w-watch me d-drown.”

From where he was standing Dominic could see the two police officers approaching; he had to keep Matthew distracted, let them get close enough to grab him.

“What wouldn’t I understand?”

“J-just go away,” Matthew repeated.

His stomach lurched when Matthew took one hand off the railing and swayed dangerously.

“How do you know I won’t understand, if you won’t tell me?”

“B-because….”

Matthew stopped and Dominic knew he was losing the battle to keep him from jumping; the two officers were within grabbing distance…so he played his ace.

“I love you too, ever since that day outside the coffee shop…you had my heart. If you do this, it’ll break it.”

Matthew looked at him again and there were tears falling in rivulets.

“You won’t love me, if you knew…” he said, his voice almost too quiet to be heard.

Dominic knew it, the two officers behind Matthew knew it…it was now or…

The two policemen lunged forward and grabbed whatever part of Matthew they could reach and hauled him back over the railings. 

Dominic could only watch as Matthew was handcuffed. He felt useless again, not being able to help the person he’d just declared his love for.

Dominic hated the fact that they handcuffed him, but one of the officer’s explained it was for Matthew’s safety.

Then the arrival of the ambulance stopped any conversation and Dominic was relieved to see the handcuffs were removed.

He wasn’t allowed inside the ambulance, well he wasn’t until he heard raised voices and the officer that had gone inside stepped out.

“Can you assist?” he asked. “He isn’t co-operating. You were the one that kept him talking, perhaps you can help.” 

He stepped inside the ambulance, Matthew looked miserable, but he also looked angry and blood was seeping through the bandage on his arm.

“He won’t talk to me and every time I try and get near him he moves away. I need to check his vitals and see to that arm,” the paramedic said.

Dominic wasn’t sure how he was going to help; it wasn’t like Matthew was going listen of talk to him, but he had to try.

“Matthew, let the paramedic help you.”

In response Matthew just pulled the blanket that was covering him closer and glared at him.

Dominic sighed, “Matthew, this has to stop. Did you really want to jump? I don’t believe you did.”

Matthew’s glare turned into what could only be a look of defeat. He lowered the blanket and held out his arm to the paramedic.

The paramedic thanked him and as the ambulance moved off he began treating Matthew. When he turned his attention to Matthew’s arm, Dominic was surprised when Matthew suddenly reached out his other hand and grabbed one of his.

He felt it tighten when the paramedic applied antiseptic to the cut underneath.

“Was this done when they pulled him back over the railing?” he asked.

Dominic shook his head and looked at Matthew and saw the silent plea in his eyes.

“No, he had a falling out with nail in a piece of wood when we were taking down a shed,” he lied.

The paramedic nodded and wrote it down, but Dominic was certain he didn’t believe it...tough.

“Matthew?” the paramedic said. “Are you allergic to anything?”

Matthew shook his head.

“Do you suffer from a chest or heart complaint?”

“Asthma,” he said in a quiet voice.

“That looks like a nasty scar, how did you get that?”

Matthew remained quiet, so Dominic answered.

“He was assaulted just over two months ago.”

He paramedic wrote that down, and continued his examination in silence, only asking Matthew questions when it was needed.

Matthew didn’t let go of his hand until it was physically removed when they arrived at the A&E. Dominic had to sit in the small corridor that ran alongside the treatment room. Not that there anything to treat; you couldn’t mend what ailed Matthew with medicines.

He looked round and saw the two officers standing a short distance away, talking to someone in plain clothes. 

Dominic recognised him as one of the detectives from the Serious Sexual Offence Team...of course they would be here, their main witness had tried to commit suicide.

“Mister Howard?” a female voice said and he turned in his seat. It was one of the nurses that had been in with Matthew.

“You can go in now. He’s sleeping at the moment.”

Dominic gave her a small smile and she put a hand on his arm and said.

“He’ll be okay, the on call psychiatrist has spoken to him, your partner’s in the best place.”

“What did he say?”

“He’d like to keep him in for observation, and arrange for him to speak to one of our counsellors.”

“He’s already in therapy and I don’t think he’ll want to stay.”

“No, he said as much…well, shook his head with vehemence. Once the drip has finished, he can go home. The doctor isn’t happy, but he is an adult. I leave you two alone.”

Dominic smiled again and slipped through the curtain. He pulled a chair over and sat next to the bed, and took one of Matthew’s hands again.

“I know you didn’t mean to do that…well I hope you didn’t. Did you mean it when you said you loved me…oh I hope so. But I don’t want you to ever try that again…whatever you think it is I won’t understand, I’m sure I will. I   
love you, you can tell me anything.”

He felt Mathew’s hand tighten and he looked up and into blue eyes that held far too much sorrow and was that fear….and in a far too quiet voice, he said something that made him go cold.

“I let someone burn to death….I killed them.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes...I know I'm mean, but I couldn't resist............

Dominic wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly.

“What?” he said.

Matthew spoke again, his voice even quieter than before.

“I let someone burn to death….”

He blinked… he did hear correctly.

“I don’t understand, you let someone burn to death?”

Matthew was about to speak again, when the curtain was pulled back, and the detective from the SSOU came in.

“We have to talk,” he said.

Dominic felt like telling him to sod off, Matthew was about to make a horrific confession. He looked at Matthew, who had shrunk into the pillows.

“The CPS and my boss are not happy,” the detective was saying. “The decision been taken that Matthew needs closer supervision.”  
Dominic looked at the detective; he didn’t like the sound of this.

“He’s going to be moved to another location, where he will be under house arrest. You Mister Howard are going home.”

“What!?” Dominic yelled.

But it was Matthew’s reaction that silenced them both.

“No, I swear I’ll fucking top myself the second your eyes are off me!”

His yelled words attracted the attention of the consultant in charge of A&E.

“What is going on here?” she said, and went straight to Matthew, who looked distressed. He was trying to get off the bed and had ripped his IV out in the process.

“No, Matthew,” she said, guiding him back onto the bed. “You two, leave now.”

“I’m not leaving,” they said together.

“Yes, you are. I don’t care if you’re the police and you‘re his partner. You’re causing him distress…now leave, or do I have to call security and   
have you removed.”

Dominic reluctantly stepped out, not looking at the detective. He could hear the doctor talking to Matthew.

“It’s okay, they’ll only be allowed back if you want them here. Calm yourself...that’s better. Would like a mild sedative...okay. I can get one of   
the nurses to sit with you, if you want?”

Matthew said something, but Dominic couldn’t hear it.

“Are you sure...no getting up, let that run through.”

The consultant came out and spoke to the detective first.

“I will be putting in a complaint to your superior, and Mister Howard, Matthew wants you to go back in...but not you,” she said to the detective. “But, Mister Howard, you cause him to become distressed again, I will have you removed from this hospital, is that clear?”

Dominic nodded and waited until the detective had walked away before he went back in. 

Matthew had been crying and he could see a bruise forming where the cannula had been torn out.

Matthew spoke first, “I want to go home.”

“When that’s finished and it depends on what the doctor’s say.”

“Not that place, not wherever they want to put me. I want to go home, to London.”

“Matthew, you can’t.”

“I want to go back…to mum and dad…a-and Chris. I w-want to f-forget all of t-this.”

“I wish you could…but I need to know, what you said before, was that true?”

Matthew’s head dropped and Dominic knew it was true, and it looked like whatever courage Mathew had gathered to say it was gone.

They sat in silence and Matthew eventually fell asleep, which gave Dominic time to gather his thoughts. Matthew had said he’d let someone burn to death, but he’d only set fire to car...wait a minute….fire…surely not that fire? But Matthew had only been ten, how could he be responsible for killing anyone…let alone his family?

Then an awful thought came to him. What if it was a family member that abused him; it very often tragically was. Jesus, what if that family member had been part of the same ring that had abused him right up until; he didn’t actually know when that abuse stopped.

He looked at Matthew, now looking peaceful, lost in sleep. He took Matthew’s hand, and marvelled at how delicate but strong those hands were.

“If you did what I think you did, then there isn’t a court or a jury that would or should convict you. Whoever it was, they were a monster.”  
Matthew stirred and his hand flexed inside his, then blue eyes were looking at him.

“Dominic, I want to go home, please.”

“Matthew…..”

“Please, if they take me away….away from you…”

Dominic closed his eyes….oh, he was probably going to get in so much trouble. He took out his phone and dialled.

“Hello, yes, I’d like to speak to Phillip Wolstenholme. Yes, it’s Dominic Howard and it’s concerning his son Matthew. Phillip…there’s a problem.”

Three hours later a very irate Mister Wolstenholme, accompanied by Chris and their solicitor were striding into A&E. He was on the phone, tearing a strip of the Chief of Police.

“I will be taking my son back to London, with my own security staff supervising him. If it hadn’t been for his partner and the timely actions of   
those two officers, my son would be at the bottom of the sea. No, he will not be transferred to another of your safe house, and the Crown Prosecution Service agree with me. My son and Mister Howard will be returning to London with me…no arguments.”

After an hour of paperwork and dealing with the local police and three long hours back to London, they arrived back home.

Matthew was out on his feet and Chris carried him upstairs. Dominic was about to follow, but Mister Wolstenholme took him into his office.

“Dominic, would you care to tell me why my son tried to drown himself?”

*******************

Matthew wasn’t quite sure what was going on; he was way too tired to concentrate. All he knew was that he wanted to go home…and why couldn’t he finish his confession to Dominic.

How would he know if Dominic truly loved him if he couldn’t tell him his darkest secrets? It hadn’t help when that stupid detective had barged in, and then he’d panicked when he’d said that he was being moved and be put under house arrest.

He silently thanked the doctor for intervening, but when Dominic returned, he’d lost the courage to say it…not just what had happened in the fire…but other things. Oh, his past was littered with so many sins; if he believed in heaven and hell, there would surely be a nice warm seat waiting for him down below.

Now he was being fussed over by his mother, and he looked over at Chris, pleading with him to help.

His brother…yes, he saw Chris as his brother, like he saw Mister and Missus Wolstenholme as his parents, smiled and persuaded his mother to go and find him something to eat.

“You okay, Mattie?” he asked.

“Tired, where’s Dominic?”

“He’s with dad, he’ll be up soon. Do you want anything, I’ve your stuff in my room. There’s a shit load of upgrades you need to do and some   
music you need to download.”

“Sure.”

I’ll go get them. ”

“Thanks.”

Chris smiled, “I’m glad you’re back home, just wish it was under better circumstances. You know, if you need to talk…”

He nodded and forced a smile.

Once Chris had left, he let the smile fade, and let the façade drop. He’d wanted to tell Dominic, had started to confess, but the appearance of that detective stopped him. Then the fear of being loathed….rejected…hated, had overwhelmed him.

He forced another smile when Chris came back, and he tried to be sociable. He forced himself to eat and tolerate his mother’s fussing…but all he wanted was to be alone with Dominic; then perhaps that courage might come back.

Eventually he found himself alone, and it was then that the dark thoughts began to plague him. It seemed to him that his life had become like one of those true-life movies; with heroes and villains, and himself in the middle.

He wondered what would have happened if he’d managed to escape that time and gone back to Manchester and Donnie, without the trip to the madhouse. Would Donnie have still sold him to Alexi? He didn’t know…but if he had ended up in Russia, he had no doubt he would probably be dead or in some way maimed by now.

Still…it would have all been over and Pandora’s Box would have never been opened…well not by him. He heard someone coming up the stairs and then there was knock at the door.

“Matthew, can I come in?”

It was Dominic, and a genuine smile formed on his lips.

“Yeah,” he said and smiled again when he walked in.

Dominic was over straight away and sat on the bed.

“Is my dad angry?”

“Yes, but not at you.”

“Is he angry at you…I’m sorry if he is…. I can tell h….”

Dominic moved closer and silenced him with a kiss.

“He’s not angry, not with us. He’s worried about you…they all are.”

He looked at Dominic…please, he didn’t tell him about what he started to say.

“And no, I didn’t tell him what you said in the hospital. But you have to tell someone…you don’t have to tell…”

He stopped Dominic by putting his hand over his mouth; the courage had come flooding back with that kiss.

“If I tell you and you hate me, I’ll understand.”

“I won’t hate you, how could I?” Dominic said.

He looked into Dominic’s eyes and took a deep breath….


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A secret is finally told...a trial is endured....and it should be a happy time...but life is a.........sorry.

Dominic held his breath, wondering what revelation was going to come from Matthew. It wouldn’t be pleasant, he was sure of that…did he even have any good memories?

“It was my uncle, he was the one that abused me first.”

Matthew’s voice was so quiet, almost like it was fighting not to be heard. “I think I was six, I don’t really know. Perhaps it was when I started remembering what he did.”

Dominic felt a tremor go through Matthew and he tightened his hold on Matthew’s hand.

“At first it w-was only when he visited…b-but then he w-would take me…”

Matthew stopped then, words seeming to fail him. There was another deep breath, and the hand that Dominic was holding shook.

“It was my tenth birthday when it happened,” he continued, but his voice held the same tremor as his hand.

“He’d visited me a-and he h-hurt me. It w-w-was the f-first time he t-tried to…”

A single tear ran down his cheek and Dominic wiped it away with his free hand.

“But he c-couldn’t, so he l-left me a-alone…said he would be back la-later. Then the fire c-came and he tripped and f-fell and must have broken something. My f-family were s-screaming, he was s-screaming at me to help h-him. But I left him.”

Matthew fell silent again, closed his eyes and more tears came.

“No-one would blame you for that, leaving him,” Dominic said softly.

Matthew looked at him and he wasn’t quite sure what he could see in his eyes.

“You don’t….. I w-wanted it to s-stop. I put a c-chair against the handle….he was trapped.”

“Matthew, you were frightened and angry and not thinking straight. You were ten for Christ’s sake.”

“No, I wasn’t angry, D-dominic. I did it deliberately.”

Dominic blinked at that; not that he cared what happened to a sick monster. He blinked at the fact that it had driven a ten year old, a child, to commit murder.

“You better c-call the p-police,” Mathew said.

He blinked again, “Why would I do that?”

“So they c-can arrest me.”

“For what?”

“I killed s-somone…I should be p-punished.”

Dominic moved his hand from Matthew’s face and used it to lift Matthew’s chin.

“I’m not going to call the police.”

He could see the confusion in Matthew’s eyes.

“You did what you did to survive. No, what you’ve just told me stays between you and me. No-one else needs to know or ever needs to know.”

He held Matthew’s gaze, hoping he could see the sincerity in his eyes.

“This is between you and me, you hear me. You deserve to be happy…you deserve to be free, and you deserve all the love I can give you. Now, you need to rest, you have to be at your best for giving evidence tomorrow.”

He stood, intending to use the chair, wanting Matthew to just sleep.

“No…please. I don’t want to sleep alone,” Matthew said.

So he returned to the bed and stripped to his tee and boxers, and slipped into the bed. Matthew immediately moved over, getting as close as   
he could, his head resting on Dominic’s chest. 

It wasn’t long before Dominic heard his breath even out and his tight hold on his waist relax slightly. He sighed, and he hoped with that huge confession Matthew would finally find some peace.

*******************

“I’ve tried every contact I know except you. Please tell me you know where this Bellamy kid is?”

“Listen, if I tell you, you’ve got to promise never to reveal it was me. I don’t want to go to prison or end up on the wrong side of one of Phillip Wolstenholmes' ‘security staff’.”

The journalist could almost hear the quote marks in the person’s voice.

“Of course and your usual fee.”

“Okay, he was put into witness protection.”

“But the Donnie James case is done and dusted.”

“Nothing to do with that. It’s to do with the London child abuse investigation….he was their informant and one of their victims, he knew names, places and dates.”

“Bloody hell…where have they put him?”

“He was on the coast somewhere, but something happened, don’t know what, but he’s back in London, at the family home."

“You’re not bullshitting me. The first trial is tomorrow.”

“No, I’ve got pictures of them leaving the house earlier today. I can have hard copies sent over by courier.”

“Get them here within the hour and I can run this by my editor.”

“Sure...just make sure my money gets to me. Oh, there’s something else, and it’s pure dynamite.”

******************

It had been decided that Matthew wouldn’t have to stand in the witness box; he like all the other victims that had come forward could give there evidence via a video link or a recording.

It was decided that since Matthew had so much information to impart, that he would only need to give the evidence once and via a video link with a screen. The judge said he did not want the debacle that had happened at Donnie’s trial to be repeated.

But still Matthew was nervous, and he couldn’t stop himself from fidgeting.

A hand reached out and stayed the leg that was bouncing.

“It’ll be okay,” Dominic said. “Myself and the court appointed psychiatrist will be just over there. You won’t see the defendant, you’ll only see the barristers, the judge and the jury. Just like last time, focus on your answers, no-one is judging you…take your time.”

The two hours it took to give his evidence seemed like an eternity, but he surprised himself by staying calm, even when the defence questions required more precise answers. His heart did begin to race when he had to describe what had been done to him, the pictures he was seeing in his mind finally being given voice to……what this person had done to others while he had been there and where it had happened. 

But he kept it together, the knowledge that Dominic was only a few feet away gave him the courage that he needed.

Finally he was told to step down and the camera was switched off. Dominic was immediately at his side and held him whilst he let the tears go that he’s been holding back.

“Come on, your family will be waiting, you need hot chocolate and a whole bag of marshmallows.

He smiled at that, glad that Dominic remembered how he like marshmallows with his chocolate.

He grabbed Dominic’s hand as they walked toward the exit that lead to the public part of the court. It sounded like there was a lot of noise, he thought courts were supposed to be quiet places.

He pushed the door open and was blinded by the flashing of multiple cameras and confused by the questions fired at him. He tried to ignore them as Dominic pulled him through the pack of press.

“Matthew…was one of your abusers a family member? Were you a suspect in the fire that killed your family? Did you set fire to house to kill your abuser?”

Those questions made him freeze and he tried to find the face of the voice that had asked them, but the flashes of the cameras obscured his vision.

Then there was chaos as court officials and police began removing the press and the angry words of Phillip Wolstenholme rose above the clamour.

“Bloody well leave him alone….bloody vultures!”

He was dragged away then and bundled into a car, the flashes from more cameras robbing him of any respite. 

When they finally arrived home, he couldn’t get up the stairs fast enough and slammed his bedroom door behind him; refuge at last.

He never noticed when Dominic came in, but he felt the bed dip as he lay next to him and strong arms wrap themselves around him, and Dominic’s soft words in his ear.

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay.”

He turned to face him…seeking solace; he needed something……

“Dominic,” he said. “I need you….”

Dominic seemed hesitant, but he kissed that away, and let the fear wash away as they made love and his panic dissipate with his climax. He let himself fall into sleep, hoping that tomorrow wouldn’t be hell.

*******************

The man looked up from his breakfast as his right-hand man approached with the newspapers. He liked to keep up with what was going on in the countries that he had ‘business’ interests in…and this country was very profitable, hence the reason for his short ‘business trip.’

“Boss, look who has just resurfaced.”

He smiled when he saw the headline and the picture on the front of the paper.

“Call Yuri, tell him I have a job for him.”

**************************

It had taken Dominic at least a week to coax Matthew out of the bedroom, and several hours to persuade him to go for a walk in the local park. Thankfully, the press had been kept away by means of a court enforced order, since Matthew was a witness in an ongoing trial and investigation.

Matthew still clung to him like a lifeline and glanced round occasionally, probably expecting a photographer or a reporter to appear from behind a tree or a bush. They walked round the park at least three times, such was Matthew’s nervous energy.

They stopped at one of the small stalls that was set up outside the park and he went to buy them a hot drink. The vendor asked him if he wanted chocolate on the hot chocolate and he turned to ask Matthew and dropped the cup he was holding…..Matthew was being thrown into the back of a van.

“Hey!” he yelled and began sprinting…but he wasn’t fast enough. His last sight was of the fear on Matthew’s face before the door was slammed and the van sped away.

*****************

Matthew wasn’t sure where he was or when he was, everything had happened so fast. Then he didn’t know anything; he must have been drugged. He heard voices and then a face came into view.

The face spoke and it was with a distinct accent, but he couldn’t quite place it.

A hand took hold of his jaw, and as his vision cleared, he saw that the hand belonged to a man. 

The man smiled at him, but the smile made him shudder.

“Hello Matthew. Donnie’s pictures didn’t do you justice, you are truly beautiful. My name is Alexi, and it seems my money was well spent.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dominic knows who has taken Matthew, but there is no proof...and for Matthew a new and not so good chapter of his life is about to begin.

Dominic felt like he was in one of those police dramas, as the street filled up with uniformed police and detectives. But unlike those police dramas, it didn’t fill him with confidence, someone had snatched Matthew off the street in broad daylight.

These were people who didn’t fear the authorities.

He looked up when he heard his name and he saw Chris and Tom Kirk, the head of the Wolstenholme security team. They hadn’t had any security with them, but why would they need it in a park full of families and people enjoying themselves.

“Dom, you okay?” Chris asked.

“I’m fine, but Matthew.”

“Luckily someone got the vans number. It’s registered to a company owned by someone called Alexi Dematrov.”

Both he and Chris looked at Tom.

“Oh, fucking hell, that’s the guy that Donnie James sold him to,” Chris said.

“Tell the police,” Dominic said.

“We have, they’re going to speak to him this afternoon,” Tom said.

“What, they made an appointment…no, they need to do it now. I know he has Matthew.”

“Dom, Dematrov has connections in high places, the police have to tread carefully,” Tom said.

“I want to be there when they do,” Dom said.

“Already sorted, dad has connections too, “Chris replied.

*******************

Matthew watched Alexi warily as he walked round him.

“Don’t worry, Matthew. I am not going to hurt you.”

Alexi moved away when someone out of his line of sight spoke to him in Russian. He returned to his line of sight and looked him up and down.

“Fortune must favour you, Matthew. My associate believes you are too pretty to waste in one of my movies. And lucky for you, I agree. You are going to make me a nice little profit. Clean him up and get him some decent clothes, he flies out with us tonight. Make sure he stays quiet until the police have been and gone. Yes, you are very pretty.”

Alexi ignored him then and he didn’t resist when he was pushed upstairs; what would be the point? So what if he’d been spared one of Alexi’s ‘movies’, he was certain his fate would be just as bad.

He sat on the bed, not looking at the ‘heavies’ that stared at him. He heard the doorbell go, it must be the police. Then he heard voices, familiar voices…Dominic, Chris, his dad.

He moved then but one of the heavies shook his head, and the sight of a gun made him still; there was no escape.

******************

“So, how can I help you Detective Inspector?”

“I take you have been informed that a vehicle registered to one of your companies was used in an abduction earlier today?”

“Yes, that vehicle was stolen last night.”

“And you didn’t report it as stolen?”

“It is just one vehicle, I have many others.”

The detective inspector held out a photo of Matthew, “Do you know this young man?”

Alexi shook his head, “Handsome young man. May I keep this? Perhaps I can use some of my influence to help rescue him and apprehend the people that did this. But no, I don’t know him.”

“Liar,” Dominic said. “He’s here, isn’t he…Matthew!”

“Mister Howard!” the detective inspector barked. “I apologise for Mister Howard’s outburst.”

“No need for apologies. He is obviously someone Mister Howard cares about. I would no doubt react the same. I am sorry that I cannot help you further.”

“Thank you for your time, Mister Dematrov.”

“Not a problem.”

Dominic went to say something but was hustled out by Chris.

“You don’t believe him, do you?”

“Mister Howard, Mister Dematrov is not a suspect.”

“What?” Chris said. “The bloke a bloody crime lord.”

“Not according to his very high-priced lawyers, and several members of the Russian cabinet. We have to tread carefully."

“Sod this,” Dominic said and glared at the building they had just left. He knew Dematrov had Matthew and the bastard was going to waltz out   
of the country with him. He looked up at the top floor, willing there to be a face at the window, so they could barge in and rescue him….but there wasn’t.

His heart fell…Matthew would be lost to them…to him, forever.

********************

Matthew had kept hope up until he stepped onto Alexis’ private jet. He stared out of the window, watching the night sky roll by.

“Matthew."

Alexis’ voice brought him back to reality.

“Eat, being underfed is not attractive.”

He looked at Alexi, then looked out of the window again.

He heard him sigh, then get off his seat, then his head was jerked round, as Alexi grabbed his jaw.

“You will eat, or will I have Yuri hold your mouth open and shove found down your throat. I really don’t think you want that, do you, Matthew?”

The grip on his jaw lessened slightly and Alexis’ voice became softer, but he knew that meant anything but Alexi being kind.

“You must accept your situation, Matthew. It will be much easier for you if you do…now, eat.”

He looked into Alexi’s eyes and saw the threat there, so he nodded.

“Good boy, obedience will add to your value.”

After that the conversation was in Russian, so he was left in his own world. This would be his life then, either he would end up in some high class whore-house, or sold to the highest bidder.

He should have never allowed himself to hope. You can’t escape your fate…you can never escape.

*******************

It was late when the Wolstenholmes’ and Dominic returned to the house. Dominic wanted to go home, but had been persuaded to stay overnight.

He retreated to what had been Matthew’s bedroom, and lay in the dark, trying not to listen to the angry voices and the sound of crying.

The room was silent…there was no sound of Matthew settling down next to him….no sigh as he touched bare skin…no whispered ‘love you’   
before sleep….just silence, and the silence was deafening.

 

TBC in “A Distant Song.”

 

 

 

 

.


End file.
